I am a narrative.

I had this thought rattling around in my head about a month ago and I really wanted to write about it but I kept forgetting.  God did some things that confused me in January. It got me thinking about Moses. More specifically, I started thinking about narrative scriptures. Narrative scripture is unique because it doesn’t just come out and say what we should be learning about God. Instead we have to read the story and learn about who God is based on His interaction with the characters.

Often we talk about showing people who God is through our lives. By this we don’t mean that they should watch how God is interacting with us but rather we mean that they should look at how joyful we are and what good things we do and how servanthearted we are. Sometimes I wonder what message this sends. God is a do-gooder. God is abnormally happy. God puts himself last. I suppose genuine Christlikeness is a beautiful thing and will draw people to God but I think a lot of times we’re faking it. We guess what Jesus would do. But I digress.

Anyhow, lately I’ve been trying to look at my life and the lives of others around me like they are biblical narratives. What can I learn about God by how he is interacting with me. How is God describing himself as he speaks to me? What about when he blesses me? What about when something bad happens? Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think of my life as inspired but I do think there is something to this.

It also makes me approach the narratives a bit less intimidated. I’m remembering that these were real people with real emotions and real hardships. I try to put myself in their shoes. Well, thanks for reading. I feel my blogs have been lacking lately but I hope you have grace. Blessings!

Brain Dump

Wow, has it really been three weeks since I last wrote anything? Crazy! These past three weeks have been doozies and a half. Without divulging too many personal details to whoever reads this (one day I had 16 people log on…go facebook!), let me just say that life is hard right now. I know I mentioned it in the last entry but it really isn’t getting much better for me. Well, I don’t mean that. What I mean is that I’m still having a hard time with things and think I should be doing better by now. Ahh, the inner critic. I’ve been told I need to take care of myself right now but it turns out that I don’t really know what that means. Do any of you know? I really haven’t been thinking about what to post next so I think I’ll just do a little brain dump…here’s what’s on my mind right this second:

In the midst of all that’s going on I’ve had the dumb idea to think about my future and what I want to do with my life. This just overwhelms me more but it’s more fun to think about that the difficult things in going on. I’m in school for counseling right now. When I started I was so convinced that this is what I wanted to do with my life. Nothing could stand in my way. But nowI’m loving my theology and bible classes. I get more excited about them some days that counseling, ok…most days. I learn things and immediately want to turn around and tell someone else what I’ve learned. The girls in bible study know this well. I just get excited and have to share it. Then my mind wanders to what it would be like to be a professor or even just a bible study leader in a church. What would it be like to get a Master of Theology? My arms feel all noodley. It sounds wonderful.

But then come the road blocks. What about babies? What about this degree I’m working on now? How would I pay for school? Would James be willing to move near a grad school? What about his dreams? What if it’s not what God wants? What if I would be bad at it? What if I find out that I don’t think women should teach the bible?

I know I have plenty of time but I like to have a plan and direction and I just don’t have that right now. I’m sorry that this post is kind of a rambling. I started to erase it but I figured that one of you out there is probably trying to make some kind of decision that seems impossible and maybe it helps to know there is someone else out there struggling too.